overthinking

artwork by kiwiTACHAN from deviantart

 

I am so guilty of this! First off, I love problem solving. I admit it – I’m kind of addicted. Brainstorming and thinking up a plan or process to implement are like drugs for me!  So why do I find myself sitting here uninspired? Well, as it turns out, I’ve kind of planned myself into a black hole. Over thought this one. “What if” has been the sentence starter for every internal comment over the past weekend, and now I’m stuck. What if I don’t get any business? What if no one buys or likes my stuff? What if I started something that I can’t finish? Then what? And then, it hit me.

What if I … fail?!

Ha. The word failing to a recovering perfectionist like myself is enough to cause a mental shut down. It sends me into a tailspin, and I think work work work, do do do, must NOT fail. But is it that bad? Should I sit here dreading the thought so much that I become an unproductive mess?

Not that I’m promoting failing here, just learning to accept and appreciate its qualities … instead of queing doomsday music. After all, each failure has taught me incredible lessons. Like the time I failed at my serving gig. At that age, I thought I was invincible, could do ANYTHING, and had yet to learn enough about myself as to appreciate why things had ended like they did. (No, I did not spit in anyone’s food or light the place on fire – just had two complaints in one night. One for a beverage not being refilled and the other had to do with the food – which I did not prepare, long story short.) But the whole point of that experience was learning to recognize burn out, learning when to let go, and appreciating my strengths and weaknesses.

I’ve also failed at life in other ways, too. For instance, losing out on an entire’s semester of hard work and skipping finals because of a boyfriend, keeping friendships that were toxic because I couldn’t let go, and over committing to projects because I couldn’t disappoint or say no. Each one taught me something, though. Things I had to learn to become who I am today.

I can sit here now and without a shadow of a doubt tell you that I am more than capable of planning, executing, and styling a richly textured and aesthetically pleasing event. And that to me is amazing!  I am not gloating or boasting, I’m just gladly recognizing the talents I possess. And that is so healthy for a recovering perfectionist like myself. I may not be an expert yet on all things event planning, but I am willing to learn.

So what if the art doesn’t sell, the vintage pieces collect dust, and I never get hired? I will have loved every minute of it! And as far as my problem solving addiction goes, guess I’ll just have to dream up something new 😀

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