Author: helica

my first #FMF post

view

FMF stands for #FiveMinuteFriday

It was started by a woman, Lisa Jo-Baker, who is a word and story telling connoisseur.  I am just amazed every time I read one of  her posts because she takes the jumbled up emotions and chaotic scenes from my heart and just weaves it together with tears, laughter, and a joy soy profound … and all of a sudden I can see. I can SEE, BREATHE, and FEEL hope – and it is both real AND beautiful. This post about motherhood met me exactly where I was and this part – “I am out of my mind and in my calling and desperate for five minutes alone and a lifetime together.” –  just captures all of the mother in me. 

As a recovering perfectionist, I am especially thrilled to participate in FMF because she figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

Heck yes!!

And this is me officially inviting you too! Come join a community ready to throw caution to the wind and embrace an imperfectly perfect post that shares a bit of your heart and soul. Hashtag it on Twitter and sit down with a good cup of coffee because the insights, stories, and moments we share are dear indeed!

Now on to the writing –

 

VIEW

Start

My view has become clouded. Tainted some may say. I guess in some ways I can see clearer than ever. The vision I have for my business, the products and goals, dance through my head and leave me so giddy with the thought of what is to come. But this everyday business of mothering E. Well, that’s view often looks exactly the same as the one I saw from the tip top of a roller coaster before descent. And during. It’s so many mixed emotions, the thrill before the lurching of my stomach. Everything is blurred together and I’m holding on. Some days I can’t see past the next five minutes, staring blindly at my phone hoping to escape a task. Others, I am watching her blossom into such a darling. I kind of hate my shifting view, but that’s like hating life. Life IS a shift, IT IS CHANGE. It is. And … I don’t like that, sometimes. Ok, most times. I feel like if I just had something to hold onto, I could start building a BETTER view. I could embellish the landscape with more projects, nail down more details, perrrrrfect it somehow. Ha! How true it is that we have to let go of how we think life is SUPPOSED to look. I can’t appreciate the view I have because I can’t even see it through the missteps, “issues”, to do list items, and dreams (broken and currently pursued alike).

BUT I WANT TO!!!

I want to see that moment when she belt out a laugh from her very core when someone tumbles or makes a joke. I want to see the beauty of her soul, the light in her eyes, that saucy smile letting me know that she knows something I don’t. And I DON’T WANT TO MISS IT. Not even one second. But I do. And that makes me sad.

So I’m going to have to do something about that. I’m going to have to have my hammer ready to smash every ideal picture (and the accompanying grief, shame, regret, and sense of loss that comes with it). I’ll keep smashing until I can see ever so clearly this dear soul that God has entrusted to me. Until not only can I see her, but she can SEE ME.

Stop

 

keep an eye out

Courtesy of Walk with Us
Image courtesy of Walk with Us

Tonight will be random at best.

This post will resemble a magician’s black bag today – you just won’t know what topic I’m pulling out next 🙂

First up – IDEAS/INSPIRATION.

I never know when a great idea will hit, so I always have a notebook, pen, and flashlight by my bedside because it invariably happens just as I close my eyes to rest. I’ve tried pretending that I was going to sleep with the hopes of speeding the process up. No dice. I’ve also tried thinking through a problem BEFORE I even lay down, kind of like pre-programming my mind. Yeah, that was a dead end too. So, I have learned to be ready. I keep an eye and ear out for anything that inspires me, send texts to myself, and I am constantly emailing myself pics that capture a certain element I’ve been thinking about. If I’m on my laptop, Pinterest’s Private Boards are an absolute Godsend I tell you! Sometimes I’m just not ready to share this brilliantly awesome item with everyone,ya know?

So, second up – BLOGGING SCHEDULES.

Who would have ever thought that would even be a phrase? The concept is definitely new to me, but I am interested in hearing about yours if you have one. I’m so new to this that the idea of planning anything seems like a joy kill, but then, I would also like to have some consistency and be able to share tutorials regularly. Plus, it would be kind of nice to be able to drop in ideas or have a certain theme pulling things together. I’d love to hear about your experience with this, so feel free to fill up the comment section 🙂

This naturally lead to this question – WHY DON’T MORE PEOPLE COMMENT?

I just recently made it to 30+ “Likes” on my FB page, and after I jumped around the room cheering and fist pumping, I noticed something. 25 people viewed my post, maybe 1 Liked it, and NO COMMENTS. Question after question, post after post, and I’m not seeing anyone really interact with me. Am I doing something wrong? Oh blogging geniuses you, share some wisdom here, please 🙂 My attempts at engaging people in topics and conversations via this blog and on FB are pretty dismal, to say the least, and I just don’t get why they don’t do it.

Lastly – TO POST OR NOT TO POST.

I have a point and shoot camera. And while I would L-O-V-E (and learn to use) one of those fancy dancy SLR ones, it’s just not in the budget right now. So my question is this, if I’m doing a tutorial, and my less than stellar pictures are the only ones I can use, do I post them? I just feel like I’m insulting people with only slightly aesthetically pleasing images. Not that I just shoot them randomly or haphazardly, but they just are obviously not of the caliber or up to par with other bloggers’ content.

And that’s all I have for random thoughts and questions, which concludes the magic portion of tonight’s post. Questions thrown out into the blogosphere have a fun way of freeing my mind and hopefully I’ll get a comment … sometime? Ha!

Here’s to hoping, dreaming, and blogging!

*h*

holding on

promise

 

What a week! Ideas racing through my head, fear (more often than I’d like) coursing through my veins and striking down my dreams, and indecision, my dearly hated friend, keeps me poised yet not ready to strike.

Have you ever been there? You KNOW what you want, you’re ready to jump, but the unfamiliar is just so darn scary! Funny how silly it all seems written in black and white, but this fear, this indecision, makes life just one big weight on my back. I coupled this lovely drama with a daughter who could totally wait out a mule. Oh yeah, people,  good times around here.

So what then?  Sit and drown in ideas that are never pursued? Deny my dreams a chance because I’m clinging to what exactly? Then I remembered this journal entry from five years ago.

YOUR PROMISE = YOUR LOVE

And that’s when it hit me. I keep striving, dreaming, crashing, weaving, but not once this week have I stopped and rested in His promise. It’s what makes me smile, lights the way, and puts a song in my mouth. And boy oh boy do I need some more of that!

So this weekend I am defining my goals, enjoying the precious moments I have with my little firecracker, and resting in and working through His promise.

And I can breathe, eat, slee and dream because …

It is all I’ll ever need 🙂

Much love and rest sent your way –

*h*