Author: helica

overthinking

artwork by kiwiTACHAN from deviantart

 

I am so guilty of this! First off, I love problem solving. I admit it – I’m kind of addicted. Brainstorming and thinking up a plan or process to implement are like drugs for me!  So why do I find myself sitting here uninspired? Well, as it turns out, I’ve kind of planned myself into a black hole. Over thought this one. “What if” has been the sentence starter for every internal comment over the past weekend, and now I’m stuck. What if I don’t get any business? What if no one buys or likes my stuff? What if I started something that I can’t finish? Then what? And then, it hit me.

What if I … fail?!

Ha. The word failing to a recovering perfectionist like myself is enough to cause a mental shut down. It sends me into a tailspin, and I think work work work, do do do, must NOT fail. But is it that bad? Should I sit here dreading the thought so much that I become an unproductive mess?

Not that I’m promoting failing here, just learning to accept and appreciate its qualities … instead of queing doomsday music. After all, each failure has taught me incredible lessons. Like the time I failed at my serving gig. At that age, I thought I was invincible, could do ANYTHING, and had yet to learn enough about myself as to appreciate why things had ended like they did. (No, I did not spit in anyone’s food or light the place on fire – just had two complaints in one night. One for a beverage not being refilled and the other had to do with the food – which I did not prepare, long story short.) But the whole point of that experience was learning to recognize burn out, learning when to let go, and appreciating my strengths and weaknesses.

I’ve also failed at life in other ways, too. For instance, losing out on an entire’s semester of hard work and skipping finals because of a boyfriend, keeping friendships that were toxic because I couldn’t let go, and over committing to projects because I couldn’t disappoint or say no. Each one taught me something, though. Things I had to learn to become who I am today.

I can sit here now and without a shadow of a doubt tell you that I am more than capable of planning, executing, and styling a richly textured and aesthetically pleasing event. And that to me is amazing!  I am not gloating or boasting, I’m just gladly recognizing the talents I possess. And that is so healthy for a recovering perfectionist like myself. I may not be an expert yet on all things event planning, but I am willing to learn.

So what if the art doesn’t sell, the vintage pieces collect dust, and I never get hired? I will have loved every minute of it! And as far as my problem solving addiction goes, guess I’ll just have to dream up something new 😀

here’s hoping

So yeah. I had a strange day today, and really it was all due to the fact that my reality has shifted so quickly, partly on my doing and mostly unexpectedly.

On Wednesday I was notified that I would no longer have my position after Friday. Coincidentally, I was on my way to pick up my LLC paperwork, which had just been approved. Hmmm. I then proceeded to open a business banking account, which incidentally used up the last 100 dollars I have to my name. Double hmmn. So could it be that I will be one of those New York Times best selling authors that pens an inspirational tale of success about starting from nothing, la dee do la de dah? Or am I just a penniless single mom? Ha. Here’s hoping that my future is the former and strays far far far from the latter. Oh, and may it be FILLED with plenty of these 🙂

 one hundred bucks

hit the ground running

So yesterday I presented my website and portfolio in my art marketing class. While I usually enjoy this portion, I was a little off my game from lack of sleep. As it turns out, nobody noticed. Ha! I’ll take that to mean I did a better job than I thought, or else my game needs a serious kick in the pants.

Speaking of a which, I just found out that I will solely be concentrating on this new business venture of mine starting … FRIDAY. What???!!!! While I hadn’t planned on making this my sole source of income just yet, I do now. Most definitely. The sinking feeling in my stomach phase is dying down, but we’ll see what the rest of the week has in store. Tomorrow will involve many MANY pictures of items to add to my online shop. Still deciding if I want to pursue an etsy account or try running things solo. Maybe both?

When you get a moment, will you pray for this stressed out momma? Thanks!