fly

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Join the fun with the #FMFparty hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.
Seriously.
Do it 🙂

 

FLY

Start

 

It’s what time does and my heart feels when I get an impetuous kiss or a hug on the run.

It’s what I want to do when the sun is setting just so and my heart can’t be any more grateful than it already is.

It’s where feet can’t take you.

 

There have been so many tough times and rough moments this past year, but when I have that sweet five year old squishing my cheeks together, telling me I’m the BEST and she laughs at my silly faces – time and space fall away, homework and housework are a thing of the past, and my little soul just FLIES.

Free and clear, soaring above the petty issues and minor fights of the daily – that’s where you’ll find me. All the tantrums, misguided parenting books and advice, time “lost” – well, it’s nothing compared to this and everything all at the same time. Without the pain, the sometimes wretched existence born of two people growing together, there can never be this appreciation and wonderment and beauty.

Stop

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hugs

It’s been a while!

Life is crazy, sometimes more than others 🙂

I’m not going to over think this, I’m not going to worry or live in fear.
I am going to write!

GRACE

Start

I think it’s the one thing we lack as parents this day in age. The concept of grace is pretty much the least evident in our parenting skills at the grocery store, as the kids cry and we hold that bar immeasurably high thinking they need to attain it. Where is the GRACE? Yes we need to have expectations, realistic ones are usually not the ones we have though, are they?

I spent the first years of my daughter’s life expecting her to be SOMETHING. At the age of two I practically exploded out of my skin after I had repeated myself over five times (really it was ten, but that level of insanity should only be known by a few, right?). What was it that I said?

Listen closely because at the time this made complete sense to me.
“Go grab your shoes and purse and bring them here so that I can put them on you.” After giving her 15 minutes to get ready.

TWO YEARS OLD!!!

We are so proud of ourselves for giving them options (they mostly DO NOT need, can’t handle, and don’t really want – but that’s a different story), but then we EXPECT and DEMAND them to act like mini adults. I gave you a choice (you weren’t ready for), you made a decision (with your limited thought process), and now there’s a natural consequence (which you can’t really comprehend).

NO GRACE

Just consequences and frustration and little to no empathy.

That’s what I see looking back. I see the times I should’ve ( and should STILL) hug and hold – not scold and stand in silent indignation.

There needs to be a solid expectation, yes, but there needs to overwhelming and overly generous amounts of grace that show LOVE – 

no matter what

STOP

lonely

Welcome welcome!

If you are a first time reader (or, hopefully, not so new), Fridays are for letting the air slowly out of my lungs and taking five minutes to think on one word. One word has an amazing amount of power. That must be why the hashtag #oneword is so prevalent on Twitter, right? That word can make you feel something, take your heart and mind to memories long forgotten, or remind you of your present. Happy or not.

Last week, I guess I was in denial about my level of tired-ness because I accidentally linked up to an OLD #FMFParty! Say what? I know, so unlike me. *cough, cough* Needless to say, I’ve double checked this week’s link, ha!

Time to let the ideas start flowing and get these fingers a’typing. 

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LONELY

GO

Do you know how many times I’ve WANTED to be lonely? Like desperate to just find myself ALONE. And it’s funny really, because technically I don’t think I like it, but with a little one’s constant needs to attend to, it sounded like a luxury to me. Loneliness was so far and yet at my fingertips. Constantly being on call, yet not having that pair of helping hands or someone to talk to. Talking to my mom and friends only took me so far. I was, and am at times, lonely.

We just went to meet the teacher. The KINDERGARTEN teacher. Ah. And it hits me. I will BE lonely. And now all of a sudden I don’t want to be. Ha.

I don’t know what lonely looks like to you, but it reminds me of the times I’ve watched a movie more than 10 times. (Yes, this is not an exaggeration.) When I was “separated” but still married, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands (wonder why?? Ha!). I would pop in a movie and these actors, whose back stories I listened to and Director’s cuts and commentaries I listened to, well, they were my friends. I would identify with some of their style, their wardrobe, or whatever. I couldn’t even recognize the loneliness I was feeling. Wasn’t everyone going through this? Doesn’t everyone watch movies to fall asleep?

So, in short, because the timer is ticking down faster than I can coherently speak, I am facing this loneliness head on. I’ll even embrace it because at the end of the day I get to see my sweet E 🙂

STOP